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I love him! So so so so so incredibly much, it makes my heart flutters! =D
*melts*
*melts*
Current Mood: 
loved
lovedLeave a comment
~Jumbled Up Thoughts~
29 September 2009 @ 02:43 am
Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go
I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Current Mood: 
blank
blank07 September 2009 @ 01:55 am
i'm happy for you. really am.
i told you so.
i told you so.
Current Music: The Fray - Look after you
03 September 2009 @ 09:24 pm
it has been awhile.
so many things happened. so many things changed. so many people changed. everything changed.
i've changed.
too much drama to put into words.
too many people affected my life..
fell down. broke a heart. stood up again. found love. lost a best friend. found true friends. found hypocrites. lots of tears. lots of hugs. lots of misunderstandings. lots of confrontations.
all in all, everything's taking its' place i guess.
i'm lucky to have supportive and loving parents.
i'm grateful i have reliable friends who were thr for me.
i'm glad that i became stronger.
i'm blessed that i fell in love again.
i'm thankful i have a job i love.
i appreciate those who made a difference in my life, though a short period of time.
after all that has happened, life goes on.
some things still bothers me a lot. hurts me a lot.
but, guess there's nothing much you can do if it's out of our control.
if walking out of my life helps you to move on n to laugh again.. i'd be happy to do so even if it breaks my heart.
i just wish the best for him.
for them.
so many things happened. so many things changed. so many people changed. everything changed.
i've changed.
too much drama to put into words.
too many people affected my life..
fell down. broke a heart. stood up again. found love. lost a best friend. found true friends. found hypocrites. lots of tears. lots of hugs. lots of misunderstandings. lots of confrontations.
all in all, everything's taking its' place i guess.
i'm lucky to have supportive and loving parents.
i'm grateful i have reliable friends who were thr for me.
i'm glad that i became stronger.
i'm blessed that i fell in love again.
i'm thankful i have a job i love.
i appreciate those who made a difference in my life, though a short period of time.
after all that has happened, life goes on.
some things still bothers me a lot. hurts me a lot.
but, guess there's nothing much you can do if it's out of our control.
if walking out of my life helps you to move on n to laugh again.. i'd be happy to do so even if it breaks my heart.
i just wish the best for him.
for them.
Current Mood: 
determined
determinedCurrent Music: Decembers - Hawthorne Heights
01 August 2009 @ 07:21 am
Things didn't have to be this complicated.. People just choose to see what they want to see, and not the truth or stories beneath the truth..
31 July 2009.. I've learnt a lot..
i) I do not need 10 or 20 friends... I just need a FEW quality ones..
ii) I've wasted my time caring for ppl who in the end, do not give a fcuk what happened and assume they know-it-all
iii) I finally know who my true friends are..
iv) as far as i'm concern i did not do anything wrong n do not owe any1 any explanations..
v) Level of maturity does not come along with age.
enough is enough.
12 February 2008 @ 01:15 pm
Tagged!!
Names are in random order
-Do not copy answers.
-The tag questions must be 100% the same.
-List out 20 names.
-Tag people after doing it.
1. Yoon Han
2. Irene
3. Phik Jin
4. Amanda
5. ChunShung
6. Evon
7. Jasmine
8. May May
9. Teetee
10. Anne
11. Eng May
12. Mike
13. Kenneth
14. Dean
15. Raymond
16. James miri
17. Cheryl
18. Laura
19. James kl
20. Bianca
How do you know 14?
College
What would you do if you had never met 1?
Can't imagine! Wouldnt know happiness..
What would you do if 9 and 20 dated you?
9 - haha, already dating & more than that ;)
20 - eeeuww.. incest..
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
erm.. no..
Do you think 8 is attractive?
definitely!
Do you know anything about 12’s family?
Erm.. bits here & there.. well, during cny he's part of my family!! hehe. doesnt matter if it's black or white!
Tell me something about 7.
my annoying yet adorable yet irritating sister..
What is 18’s favourite?
me! =) hmm.. mcd fries, starbucks rhumba, cows, cheryl etc
What language does 15 speak?
English, Sabah BM, mandarin, hakka
Who is going out with 19?
erm.. i wonder..
How old is 16 now?
22 this year
When was the last time you talked to 13?
last saturday.. then he ffk again!
Who is 2’s favourite singer?
hmm.. not that i know of..
Would you date 4?
why not?!!? =)
Would you date 17?
Nooooooooo.. incest AGAIN!
Is 15 single?
Nope
What is 10’s last name?
Ho Lim Ling Ling
Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 11?
YUP!!! =)
Which school does 3 go to?
Workin at erm.. forgot the company's name.. ard Summit la...
Where does 6 live?
Pandan Indah
What is your favourite thing about 5?
Bubbly & exciting!
Current Location: KPMG
15 December 2007 @ 05:56 pm
Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one to build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house. What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath. I fell too far, was in way too deep. Guess I let you get the best of me.
You took a hammer to these walls, dragged the memories down the hall. Packed your bags and walked away. There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up, so did my eyes so I could see that you never were the best for me.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should have started running a long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you. I'm better off without you more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years putting my heart back together.
Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you.
20 September 2007 @ 12:30 am
My sister and Adrian were chatting with an elder couple last week, back in Penang. They were friendly, happy, and most of all, loving. They are, a childhood couple. This is their story.
Back in 1971, there were 2 young teenagers who fell in love.. It was their first kiss, first time, first sex, first everything.. They said it was their first true love... but most and many would claim it as puppy love.
Well, as they grow up, things change.. Shit happens.. And eventually, they broke up.
They went separate ways, lived their own lives. Never to see each other again.
They both got their own marriages, have their own kids. Life goes on.
But they knew something was still missing.
In 1996, after 25 years of separation, they somehow, bumped into each other. Fate?
So, they had casual small talks and exchanged numbers. (the man was already divorced by then).
After few months, the lady called him. To say hello.
They chatted awhile, then she told him that she just got a divorce. He barely responded.
After the phone call, he said that he will keep in touch.
On the very same day while taking a walk outside.. The man, confused, thought to himself, "Stupid me, why didn't I ask her out? Would it sound too desperate? Maybe she's not ready.. and blablabla"
As nervous as he was, he decided that he let her go once, he wouldnt do it again. So he ran back home to call and ask her out for dinner.
There was a voice mail in his phone. And when he played it, it was her.. Saying.. "After sooo long, 25 years... you're still an idiot,".....
They got married, and up to date, has been 11 years of a beautiful marriage.
****
I thought these only happens in fairy tales? I find it quite hard to believe.
But still, I am impressed.
Fate?
Or is it love?
Current Mood: touched
touchedCurrent Music: To Love Somebody - Bee Gees
18 November 2006 @ 10:51 am
And even the most troubling stains will have disappeared.
Like the doubts over his innocence...
Or the consequence of his mistake...
Like the scars of his betrayal...
Or the memory of his kiss...
So we wait for the storm to pass hoping for the best...
Even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible, nothing can wash them away...
09 November 2006 @ 07:09 am
Current fav!
If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade. I'm sure i'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude. It's tearing me apart. It's ruining everything. And i swore, i swore i would be true.. And honey so did you. So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But i'm in so deep. You know i'm such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?
Oh, i thought the world of you. I thought nothing could go wrong. But i was wrong. I was wrong. If you, if you could get by trying not to lie, things wouldn't be so confused. And i wouldn't feel so used. But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you..
If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade. I'm sure i'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude. It's tearing me apart. It's ruining everything. And i swore, i swore i would be true.. And honey so did you. So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But i'm in so deep. You know i'm such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?
Oh, i thought the world of you. I thought nothing could go wrong. But i was wrong. I was wrong. If you, if you could get by trying not to lie, things wouldn't be so confused. And i wouldn't feel so used. But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you..
awake09 October 2006 @ 11:12 am
YH sent me this forwarded mail.. I shall evaluate =P
December (Me!) :-
Most good-looking person possible.. Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic (Hahaha! yah right.) Competitive in everything. (NO!) Active in games and interactions (depends..). Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations (maybe!). Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand . Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know (true!). Easily influenced by kindness (very i think.) Polite and soft-spoken (no way man! hah!). Having lots of ideas (not really).. Active mind (depends on what). Hesitating tends to delay (homeworks =P ). Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills (erm, if i'm persistant on something..) Has that someone always on her mind =D. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character (erm..). One girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds (nahh, me healthy kid. Hehe). Loves music. Pretty (i am??? wuahaha). Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions (yup..) Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive.
August (YH!) =D :-
Outgoing personality. Takes risks.Feeds on attention (he only wants mine! *nyek*). No self-control (sometimes.. DOTA! *argh*). Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "everything's peachy" attitude (can get grumpy at times =( ). Likes talking and singing. Loves music (LIKES music..) Daydreamer. Easily distracted (no la.. he's quite focused, maybe a bit la..). Hates not being trusted (YESSSS!!). BIG imagination (yess also). Loves to be loved (by me esp! *hehe*). Hates studying (used to, now no longer =D ). In need of "that someone" (Yah, me!!). Longs for freedom (he's quite freeee now). Rebellious when withheld or restricted (YES! agree!). Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect (huh? noo). Playful =D Mysterious (not really, he very kepoh-ci). "Charming" or "Beautiful" to everyone (Especially me!). Stubborn. Curious. Independent. Strong willed (not really). A fighter (erm..)
Other months...
January
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.
February
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
March
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.
April
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.
May
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited.
June
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!!
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
September
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
October
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.
November
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
December (Me!) :-
August (YH!) =D :-
Outgoing personality. Takes risks.
Other months...
January
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.
February
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
March
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.
April
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.
May
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited.
June
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!!
July
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
September
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
October
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.
November
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind.
Current Music: The One - Shakira
04 October 2006 @ 12:45 am
An empty room can be so deafening,
The silence makes you wanna scream,
It drives you crazy.
I chased away the shadows of your name,
And burned the picture in a frame,
But it couldn't save me.
And how could we quit something we never even tried,
Well you still can't tell me why.
We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what you're looking for.
But no matter how I try,
... I can't hate you anymore.
You're not the person who you used to be,
The one I want, who wanted me,
And that's a shame but,
There's only so many tears that you can cry.
Before it drains the light right from your eyes,
And I can't go on that way.
And so I'm letting go of everything we were,
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?
The silence makes you wanna scream,
It drives you crazy.
I chased away the shadows of your name,
And burned the picture in a frame,
But it couldn't save me.
And how could we quit something we never even tried,
Well you still can't tell me why.
We built it up,
To watch it fall.
Like we meant nothing at all.
I gave and gave the best of me,
But couldn't give you what you need.
You walked away,
You stole my life,
Just to find what you're looking for.
But no matter how I try,
... I can't hate you anymore.
You're not the person who you used to be,
The one I want, who wanted me,
And that's a shame but,
There's only so many tears that you can cry.
Before it drains the light right from your eyes,
And I can't go on that way.
And so I'm letting go of everything we were,
It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Sometimes you hold so tight,
It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?
Current Mood: 
irritated
irritated09 September 2006 @ 04:10 am
1 and half year ago... Feb 2005, before Anne left to Perth... I gave her a CD.
It was... simple, yet meaningful....
I made a powerpoint file for her. A compilation of our pictures - Anne Teetee and I..
With the song Graduation Friends Forever by Vitamin C...
and all of our mannny pictures from all those sweet crazy nutty memories.
With slow animations, bla bla bla.. from pretty pics, to crazy, happy, and UGLY pics...
Her leaving was a big impact to me that time..
The purpose I made the file, was for her remember us of course... but also... to make her flood Perth the moment she got there. Hah!!
Mission accomplished... She cried like a baby, and called me from Perth to scold me for making her all emotional.
Heehee. I still remember...
I of course, was happy that I made her miss us so much. Haha....
1 and half year later.... Today. Tonight, now....
I sit in my room alone, in Miri...
Found the extra copy and browsed through it...
And this time, I'm the one who's left crying instead.
Funny. I made the CD for her. But now I'm crying coz of my own doings.
Stupid Sam...
I really miss them... I miss then... That time...
I look at each picture, I can clearly remember every scene. Every moment.
Like it just happened yesterday...
Though I'm glad that the three of us are still so strong now... very.
But I still miss those times... Even lookin at the pics, I laughed and cried at the same time...
I miss the feeling of... knowing I get to see them everyday in college...
I miss the people the 3 of us used to mix with...
I miss goin classes together...
As much as i don't wanna admit it, I miss them abusing and bullying me.
Things change... so there's nothin left to do no matter how much i cried...
I'm just being emotional, all of a sudden.
Thank God no one actually reads this blog anymore, except Cheryl...
and I dont mind expressing it to her, coz she's my closest person also..
After the powerpoint slide... I typed a 4page MicrosoftWord file for her...
Which I just read it also just now...
Back then... my mentality was different...
My priorities were wayyy different...
My feelings were also different...
And I kinda miss those times.... As complicated as it was way back then, I still miss it..
Seeing more pictures, and reading that letter... made me realize how much details which i actually forgotten.
After Anne left... Teetee & I in Metro for a year... So many friends come and go...
New faces... New cliques.. New activities.. New hobbies....
It was fun of course. But nothing compared to before Anne left.
Then when that donkey finally came back, I came here instead...
But doesnt make much difference, even if i were to choose Metro... coz she'll be working anyway...
And teetee's gonna graduate before me.
I know I had to come Miri. I just had to. I had to get away from Subang...
No matter what it costs...
So... now, this is it. Last semester. Few more months to graduation, to working life.
Part of me excited and looking forward to it.
But a BIGGER part of me wish I could rewind things to foundation and re-live everything all over again.
Aihs. College, metro... WIll always be a huge part of me. The people who made me today, will always replay in my memories.
Depressing over everything.. over everythin that's happenin now.
i miss my girlfriends, i miss the feeling of being belonged to.
I miss confiding to them my secrets.
I miss telling them all my stupid confused things in my brains.
I miss them telling me things about me which I myself do not know..
I miss talking to them..
Exactly what i need right now...
Or.. Even better...... just hugs from both of them can soothe me enough.... *sob*....
bozo...
It was... simple, yet meaningful....
I made a powerpoint file for her. A compilation of our pictures - Anne Teetee and I..
With the song Graduation Friends Forever by Vitamin C...
and all of our mannny pictures from all those sweet crazy nutty memories.
With slow animations, bla bla bla.. from pretty pics, to crazy, happy, and UGLY pics...
Her leaving was a big impact to me that time..
The purpose I made the file, was for her remember us of course... but also... to make her flood Perth the moment she got there. Hah!!
Mission accomplished... She cried like a baby, and called me from Perth to scold me for making her all emotional.
Heehee. I still remember...
I of course, was happy that I made her miss us so much. Haha....
1 and half year later.... Today. Tonight, now....
I sit in my room alone, in Miri...
Found the extra copy and browsed through it...
And this time, I'm the one who's left crying instead.
Funny. I made the CD for her. But now I'm crying coz of my own doings.
Stupid Sam...
I really miss them... I miss then... That time...
I look at each picture, I can clearly remember every scene. Every moment.
Like it just happened yesterday...
Though I'm glad that the three of us are still so strong now... very.
But I still miss those times... Even lookin at the pics, I laughed and cried at the same time...
I miss the feeling of... knowing I get to see them everyday in college...
I miss the people the 3 of us used to mix with...
I miss goin classes together...
As much as i don't wanna admit it, I miss them abusing and bullying me.
Things change... so there's nothin left to do no matter how much i cried...
I'm just being emotional, all of a sudden.
Thank God no one actually reads this blog anymore, except Cheryl...
and I dont mind expressing it to her, coz she's my closest person also..
After the powerpoint slide... I typed a 4page MicrosoftWord file for her...
Which I just read it also just now...
Back then... my mentality was different...
My priorities were wayyy different...
My feelings were also different...
And I kinda miss those times.... As complicated as it was way back then, I still miss it..
Seeing more pictures, and reading that letter... made me realize how much details which i actually forgotten.
After Anne left... Teetee & I in Metro for a year... So many friends come and go...
New faces... New cliques.. New activities.. New hobbies....
It was fun of course. But nothing compared to before Anne left.
Then when that donkey finally came back, I came here instead...
But doesnt make much difference, even if i were to choose Metro... coz she'll be working anyway...
And teetee's gonna graduate before me.
I know I had to come Miri. I just had to. I had to get away from Subang...
No matter what it costs...
So... now, this is it. Last semester. Few more months to graduation, to working life.
Part of me excited and looking forward to it.
But a BIGGER part of me wish I could rewind things to foundation and re-live everything all over again.
Aihs. College, metro... WIll always be a huge part of me. The people who made me today, will always replay in my memories.
Depressing over everything.. over everythin that's happenin now.
i miss my girlfriends, i miss the feeling of being belonged to.
I miss confiding to them my secrets.
I miss telling them all my stupid confused things in my brains.
I miss them telling me things about me which I myself do not know..
I miss talking to them..
Exactly what i need right now...
Or.. Even better...... just hugs from both of them can soothe me enough.... *sob*....
bozo...
lost18 July 2006 @ 03:49 am
I'm so boredddddddddddd!!!!! Goshhhhhh.... bored till i'm frustrated!! *arghhhh*
I'm goin nuts man... and i cant sleep...
hmm.. dear wanted to see this.. so, nah! here u go!
I'm goin nuts man... and i cant sleep...
hmm.. dear wanted to see this.. so, nah! here u go!
| Three Things | |
| Three things that scare me: | |
| 1: | small places which squash me till i can't toss or turn |
| 2: | polka dot disgusting thingys.. *yuckkks* -goosebumps- |
| 3: | imaginations of love ones' death... |
| Three people who make me laugh: | |
| 1: | yoon han of course... |
| 2: | cheryl/may/laura/cousins.. -they come in a package- |
| 3: | irene & gang |
| Three Things I love: | |
| 1: | my blue & purple hippo, and doggie from jasmine =) |
| 2: | golden retreivers, beagles, spaniels, labroadors, rottweilers, and all the dogs in the world! |
| 3: | my ring! =D |
| Three Things I hate: | |
| 1: | jagungggg |
| 2: | forwarded testimonials |
| 3: | being tickled |
| Three things I don't understand: | |
| 1: | how can people have the heart to torture animals!! it's painful ok!!! |
| 2: | i'll never understand... how do football bets work... hehe. |
| 3: | why do the people who you loved most, will also be the one who hurt you the most |
| Three things on my desk: | |
| 1: | phone |
| 2: | laptop |
| 3: | storybook |
| Three things I'm doing right now: | |
| 1: | chatting with yoonhan |
| 2: | listening to nelly's "let me see ur grill".. i luv it! |
| 3: | singing |
| Three things I want to do before I die: | |
| 1: | marry the one I love n make sure my children treats me nice! hehheh |
| 2: | see my parents live a relaxing comfy life |
| 3: | cuddle, snuggle & own a pet tiger! |
| Three things I can do: | |
| 1: | i.... feel...... stupid filling in this blank... |
| 2: | because..... i have no idea at all... |
| 3: | what i can do... sad-nya! |
| Three ways to describe my personality: | |
| 1: | amnesia |
| 2: | at times... different in the outside & inside.. very. |
| 3: | my sister calls me.. baby-magnet! hehe. i love kids.. |
| Three things I can't do: | |
| 1: | roll my tongue |
| 2: | stand straight & touch my toes |
| 3: | remember directions |
| Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d | |
| A LiTTLE BiT OF EVERYTHiNG ABOUT ME<3 | |
| THE BASiCS<3 | |
| Name: | samantha |
| Nicknames: | sam kaya zmay bajinaidhu promprumkap bla bla bla bla.. the list never ends |
| Birthday: | 28 dec 84.. |
| Gender: | girl! |
| Hair: | long, messy.. time for straightening again soon! sigh $$$ |
| Eyes: | dark brown.. normal la |
| Height: | err.. i'm short.. =( think bout 155cm |
| Zodiac Sign: | capricorn |
| Status: | in a relationship.. very happy relationship =) |
| Graduation Year: | end of this year! whiipiee! *hopefully* =) |
| FAVORiTES<3 | |
| Movie: | the notebook, pirates of the carribean, infernal affairs |
| TV Show: | desperate housewives, nip/tuck, friends |
| Book: | harry potters |
| Color: | red, turqoise |
| Food: | bakkutteh with dear! |
| Drink(Non-Alcoholic): | apple + shuen mui, carrot milk |
| Drink(Alcoholic): | baileys |
| Scent: | huh.. my lougong's smell! =) |
| Actor: | hmmm... noone in specific actually.. maybe john travolta.. |
| Actress: | cameron diaz? ohh! i know, charlize theron!! she's gorgeous!! |
| Sport: | badminton swimming |
| Cartoon Character: | izma, the villant from emperor's new groove.. hehe |
| Store: | ... none |
| City: | err.. kl |
| Vacation Spot: | not like i explored lots of places.. las vegas! |
| Band: | innumerable judgement ;) -eric & gaston's band- |
| Song: | wei yi by leehom |
| Football Team: | none |
| Basketball Team: | none |
| Baseball Team: | dun even know any |
| NCAA Team: | watz ncaa.. |
| Animal: | dogs of course! they're my life! |
| Magazine: | cleo |
| Candy: | hmm.. FOX.. or childhood candies.. |
| Restaurant: | hmm.. ah kao in miri.. hehe |
| Jewelry: | my 21st bday gift from parents =) |
| Day of the Week: | fri? |
| Ice Cream Flavor: | rums n raisin! |
| Number: | 28 |
| PEOPLE<3 | |
| Your Best Friend: | irene & phikjin |
| Your Shoulder to Cry on: | my dear |
| Do You Have More Girl or Guy Friends: | guys |
| Who do You Consider a Sister: | cheryl/laura |
| Who do You Consider a Brother: | ermm... no one actually |
| Who Knows All Your Secrets: | my dear |
| Do You Have An Enemy: | yah. doesnt bother me. hah! |
| Boyfriend or Girlfriend: | my dear! =) |
| Do You Like Someone: | i like..? erhmm.. no... friends ya lar! |
| HAVE YOU EVER<3 | |
| Been in a Car Wreck: | yah.. 3months ago.. horrible experience |
| Been Arrested: | nooo |
| Broken the Law: | errmm.. i guess so.. small minor ones la |
| Been Skinny Dipping: | nope!! |
| Been in Love: | yah.. horrid ones before.. love hurts. love sucks. Until I met my dear, it all changed.. =) |
| Smoked: | yes |
| Drank: | yes |
| Been High: | yes |
| Smoked Pot: | nope |
| Been Kicked Out of School: | nope |
| Skipped School: | yah |
| Failed a Class: | yah |
| Broken a Bone: | nopeee -scary- |
| Shoplifted: | yah haha |
| Tried to Intentionally Hurt Someone: | nope |
| Fell Asleep in Class: | yesss |
| Been in a Fight: | millions of times, with elder sister.. hehe |
| Been Out of the US: | i'm in malaysia, duhh |
| Had Surgery: | stitched my gums.. does it count? hehe |
| Spent the Night in the Hospital: | nope |
| Snuck Out of Your House: | yahh.. many times |
| Lied to Your Parents: | yah |
| Showered at Someone of the Opposite Sex's House: | yahh |
| Saw Someone Die: | nooo |
| Had a Near-Death Experience: | yah |
| Liked Someone Who Didn't Like You Back: | yah.. puppy lovee |
| Had a Broken Heart: | yes... indescriable... |
| Broke Someones Heart: | yes... |
| Cried Over The Opposite Sex: | of course |
| Played a Game Requiring the Removal of Clothing: | noooo |
| Laughed Until You Cried: | yupp.. everytime =) |
| Slept Under The Stars: | yah.. camping.. beaches.. =) windy & cooling |
| Mooned or Flashed Someone: | huh! nooo |
| Killed an Animal: | insects yah |
| Prank Called Someone: | hahahaa.. dozen times, childhood memories with cousin n sis |
| Slept in the Same Bed as the Opposite Sex: | yup |
| YOUR FiRSTS<3 | |
| Boyfriend/Girlfriend: | sharom.. he was ok, but we just couldnt click.. |
| Kiss: | azuar.. he's a jerk, a BIG one |
| Car: | kancil! dunno what happened to it now.. hehe |
| Trip Out of Your State: | state? out of kl? how would i remember.. crazy.. |
| Job: | nandos.. 7 months.. |
| School: | tmn cuepaces |
| Slowdance: | ermm.. dont remember laaa |
| Trip to a Beach: | when i was a baby? PD maybe? |
| Celeb Crush: | chin ka lok.. hahaha.. |
| Best Friend: | Phik Jin |
| Pet: | King & Babykim *miss* *miss* |
| True Love: | dun wanna talk about it |
| LASTS<3 | |
| Time You Were Out of Your State: | Miri |
| Slowdance: | With my dear i guess =) slowdanced without music.. i loved it, hehe. |
| Movie You Saw at the Theater..(With Who): | Cars.. Dear.. |
| Person You Talked to on the Phone: | Dear =) |
| Song You Heard: | Gomenasai by Tatu |
| Broken Heart: | last year.. but everythin's over now |
| Thing You Ate: | mini bananas! haha, so cute |
| Thing You Drank: | teh o ais limau |
| Person You Hugged: | dear =) |
| Shower: | just now |
| Show You Watched on TV: | the break up by jennifer anniston |
| Trip to a Mall: | ermmm... dun remember! |
| Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d | |
Current Mood: blah
blahCurrent Music: Don't Wanna Try by Frankie J
13 July 2006 @ 03:24 am
Had your first real kiss
- 18..
Fell in love
- 19.. Magical. But magic are illusions. So, miserable in the end.
Lost someone close to you
- 15.. Grandfather..
Tried alcohol
- 15.. Me & PhikJin's birthday
Got your heart broken
- 18...
Got arrested
- Haven't.. Hopefully won't!! =P
Smoked a cigarette
- 19... CK killed my curiousity..
Broken a bone
- Haven't... I love my bones. Hehe.
Got cheated on
- 21..
Went to a concert
- 15.. 98 degrees. Haha! lame.
Dyed your hair
- 19... My lala mui hair with teetee *yuckss*
Got a car
- 18! My cute little Kancil.. hehe. Then Wira.. But not one under my name =(
Got your own cell phone
- 17.. Think it was.. errmm.. Nokia 5510.. Sadd! Haha.
Got a myspace
- Won't get one...
Snuck out of the house
- 18.. With elder sister.. She's bad influence! heheehee.
Got your own digital camera
- Not yet =(
First time u got drunk?
- Hmmm... Pissed drunk.. 20... Ken's place with the rest... Horrible experience.
- 18..
Fell in love
- 19.. Magical. But magic are illusions. So, miserable in the end.
Lost someone close to you
- 15.. Grandfather..
Tried alcohol
- 15.. Me & PhikJin's birthday
Got your heart broken
- 18...
Got arrested
- Haven't.. Hopefully won't!! =P
Smoked a cigarette
- 19... CK killed my curiousity..
Broken a bone
- Haven't... I love my bones. Hehe.
Got cheated on
- 21..
Went to a concert
- 15.. 98 degrees. Haha! lame.
Dyed your hair
- 19... My lala mui hair with teetee *yuckss*
Got a car
- 18! My cute little Kancil.. hehe. Then Wira.. But not one under my name =(
Got your own cell phone
- 17.. Think it was.. errmm.. Nokia 5510.. Sadd! Haha.
Got a myspace
- Won't get one...
Snuck out of the house
- 18.. With elder sister.. She's bad influence! heheehee.
Got your own digital camera
- Not yet =(
First time u got drunk?
- Hmmm... Pissed drunk.. 20... Ken's place with the rest... Horrible experience.
13 July 2006 @ 02:37 am
best
1. Male friend:
Hmm... Used to be.. Dean? Sean?.. But now they all disowned me =(
2. Female friend:
Amanda, PJin, Irene, Yvonne, ChunShung.. They come in a package *wink*
last
1. Person you saw: Mum downstairs. Hehe. Besides family, my dear YH of coz..
2. Talked to on the phone: YH
3. Hugged: YH
4. messaged over friendster: Erm.. Dun remember.. Abbie, I think..
today
1. wearing&brand: Voir black skirt.. And long sleeves black top, with two small cute hanging peacock feathers.. Hehe, I like!
2. better than yesterday?: yesterday.. what happened yesterday.. At home.. Yahh, definitely better than yesterday..
tomorrow
1. Is: Thursday
2. Got any plans: trying to spend more time at home.. Oh! Bakkutteh in the morning.. Yumcha with KK clan at night.. =)
favorite
1. Number: 20
2. Color: red.. turqoise
3. Season: sunny but windy and cold =)
current/ly
1. Missing someone: yessss
2. Mood: tired but awake
3. Waiting: to get sleepppyy.. my timings are all out
Q: First thing you did this morning?:
A: jump to the computer to settle some stuff for Mayz
Q: Last thing you ate:
A: Yummy Peach Blueberry Cheese Cake!! =D
Q: Do you have anything bothering you?:
A: yeahhh....
Q: What's annoying you right now?:
A: sigh... My confusing self.
Q: What's the last movie you saw?:
A: ermmm... Cars!
Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships?:
A: I do now... But then.. depends. Depends where, how long.. and, who...
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now:
A: yesss
Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: FTZ, at asia cafe..
Q: Who is the last person you called?:
A: Dear..
Q: Been cheated on?:
A: yea
Q: Do you look like your mom or dad?:
A: Dad i think..
Q: Do you have any siblings?:
A: Yup! N i love them!
Q: Do you smile often?:
A: Think so
Q: Do you think that a person is thinking of you too?
A: Of course! =P And i know who!
Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity, money):
A: love
Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: So lameee
Q: Are you a friendly person?:
A: yes.. ?
Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?:
A: Minee!
Q: What color shirt are you wearing?:
A: purple
Q: What were you doing at 4 am last night?:
A: E-mailing
Q: When is the last time you saw your mom?:
A: 5 minutes ago
Q: Do you have more guy friends or girl friends?
A: Guys.
Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: Hmm.. Don't remember.. 2 days ago i think..
Q: Do you get angry easily?
A: Nope, not really.. Maybe with the one I love, I'll get sensitive easily..
Q: What was your last thought before you went to sleep last night?
A: Worried for a friend...
Q: What are you about to do?
A: sms Joshua..
Q: What song are you listening to right now?
A: Mungkin Nanti by Peterpan
Q: Would you rather be single or in a relationship?
A: in a relationship if i'm in love
Q: Do you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call?
A: at times..
Q:Do you love chocolates?
A: of course man!!
1. Male friend:
Hmm... Used to be.. Dean? Sean?.. But now they all disowned me =(
2. Female friend:
Amanda, PJin, Irene, Yvonne, ChunShung.. They come in a package *wink*
last
1. Person you saw: Mum downstairs. Hehe. Besides family, my dear YH of coz..
2. Talked to on the phone: YH
3. Hugged: YH
4. messaged over friendster: Erm.. Dun remember.. Abbie, I think..
today
1. wearing&brand: Voir black skirt.. And long sleeves black top, with two small cute hanging peacock feathers.. Hehe, I like!
2. better than yesterday?: yesterday.. what happened yesterday.. At home.. Yahh, definitely better than yesterday..
tomorrow
1. Is: Thursday
2. Got any plans: trying to spend more time at home.. Oh! Bakkutteh in the morning.. Yumcha with KK clan at night.. =)
favorite
1. Number: 20
2. Color: red.. turqoise
3. Season: sunny but windy and cold =)
current/ly
1. Missing someone: yessss
2. Mood: tired but awake
3. Waiting: to get sleepppyy.. my timings are all out
Q: First thing you did this morning?:
A: jump to the computer to settle some stuff for Mayz
Q: Last thing you ate:
A: Yummy Peach Blueberry Cheese Cake!! =D
Q: Do you have anything bothering you?:
A: yeahhh....
Q: What's annoying you right now?:
A: sigh... My confusing self.
Q: What's the last movie you saw?:
A: ermmm... Cars!
Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships?:
A: I do now... But then.. depends. Depends where, how long.. and, who...
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now:
A: yesss
Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: FTZ, at asia cafe..
Q: Who is the last person you called?:
A: Dear..
Q: Been cheated on?:
A: yea
Q: Do you look like your mom or dad?:
A: Dad i think..
Q: Do you have any siblings?:
A: Yup! N i love them!
Q: Do you smile often?:
A: Think so
Q: Do you think that a person is thinking of you too?
A: Of course! =P And i know who!
Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity, money):
A: love
Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: So lameee
Q: Are you a friendly person?:
A: yes.. ?
Q: Who's bed did you sleep in last night?:
A: Minee!
Q: What color shirt are you wearing?:
A: purple
Q: What were you doing at 4 am last night?:
A: E-mailing
Q: When is the last time you saw your mom?:
A: 5 minutes ago
Q: Do you have more guy friends or girl friends?
A: Guys.
Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: Hmm.. Don't remember.. 2 days ago i think..
Q: Do you get angry easily?
A: Nope, not really.. Maybe with the one I love, I'll get sensitive easily..
Q: What was your last thought before you went to sleep last night?
A: Worried for a friend...
Q: What are you about to do?
A: sms Joshua..
Q: What song are you listening to right now?
A: Mungkin Nanti by Peterpan
Q: Would you rather be single or in a relationship?
A: in a relationship if i'm in love
Q: Do you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call?
A: at times..
Q:Do you love chocolates?
A: of course man!!
11 July 2006 @ 04:55 am
I got an sms from Anne this morning... She said she repaired her old handphone... And came across tonnes of old messages from us last time.. And she realized, by the end of this month, Teetee, she & I have been friends for four years... Wow... Seems like just yesterday...
It was then only I realized.. How our friendship was built... How much each of us changed... How things changed... What happened in these four years that made it all today.. What still remains.. The friends that we hang out with.. Some come and go.. Some come & remain..
So i went through my own accumulated emails.. All the mails, blogs, letters and smses.. and all the mushy-mushy emotional stuff.. Some bitter, some sweet.. Some painful... some just plain silly & stupid.. and funny... From all the gossips and craps... To the serious friendships & bf/gf discussions... Bout homework, assignments, outings, parties & what-so-ever... From crushes, flings.. to true love & heartaches...
Boy, all those memories.. How I wish it would last longer... To walk & gossip along corridors in between classes... To have frquent foodhunts and end up in sizes like us now... To defend myself being tickled-to-death by Anne... To run away from the guy friends, so that the three of us could have personal chats.. To popby Teetee's hse anytime I want and like... To pour out confessions to one another... To create and settle conflicts... To fall in and out of love...
I have till end of this year for College/University life... I had the best time in Metro.. Really... Really really. Will I want to turn back time and re-do it all over again..? Hell, yeah... Everything that builts up the sweet memories... The people, the moment... So many things I miss so much... So many..
-= z~may =-
It was then only I realized.. How our friendship was built... How much each of us changed... How things changed... What happened in these four years that made it all today.. What still remains.. The friends that we hang out with.. Some come and go.. Some come & remain..
So i went through my own accumulated emails.. All the mails, blogs, letters and smses.. and all the mushy-mushy emotional stuff.. Some bitter, some sweet.. Some painful... some just plain silly & stupid.. and funny... From all the gossips and craps... To the serious friendships & bf/gf discussions... Bout homework, assignments, outings, parties & what-so-ever... From crushes, flings.. to true love & heartaches...
Boy, all those memories.. How I wish it would last longer... To walk & gossip along corridors in between classes... To have frquent foodhunts and end up in sizes like us now... To defend myself being tickled-to-death by Anne... To run away from the guy friends, so that the three of us could have personal chats.. To popby Teetee's hse anytime I want and like... To pour out confessions to one another... To create and settle conflicts... To fall in and out of love...
I have till end of this year for College/University life... I had the best time in Metro.. Really... Really really. Will I want to turn back time and re-do it all over again..? Hell, yeah... Everything that builts up the sweet memories... The people, the moment... So many things I miss so much... So many..
-= z~may =-
contemplative20 June 2006 @ 11:39 am
Sleepless nights recently, I don't know why. So glad to be home again. It's only been 3 days. Excited bout so many things I used to do back here... So many things I still havent done. Yet, part of me feel lost and... blur bout Subang and everywhere here again.... Not that 100% comfortable feeling I used to have. Is this the feeling May was trying to explain to me? Guess so. Not in a bad point, but just... Hmmm. I'm just gonna type a bunch of crap here today. I just feel like it. So, what's different here in West Malaysia? Bits here and there. Still havent meet all my friends yet. Wanna spend time with family first. Kinda miss Miri, the belonged and used-to-the-place feeling. Minus the none-entertainment part of course. Seem to recall back many things and live in memories everytime I'm here. Good or bad point? I don't know. Ever got the feeling that you know you chose the right path, but will still turn around, and look back on the path which was already far far away.. The path that looks so small and beyond reach already. And you know that path was one of the most beautiful road you have ever stepped on, before you made that U-turn. U-turning because that road was beautiful and rocky at the same time. And still linger on, thinking what lies on the other side of that road. It'll always remain a mystery. Ever got the feeling, that you believe and think it's true... Coz you used to know the person so well. The small hints that you get, the small gestures that all made sense. But in the end, the person portrays a totally different person. But you still wanna believe the other way around. Still believe how it used to be. To console yourself...? Or maybe it's just.. not able to accept the truth... Have you ever loved someone so much... Till you feel no one could love them as much as you do... But yet. You'll still hurt that someone. Why is that? Have you ever felt sooo loved from another... Till you won't do anything to hurt them just because you're guilty that they love you that much and you can't? Human beings are never satisfied. Look inside the mirror, still see a side of me i've always knew. And another part of me, which I still don't understand. I don't wanna live in my memories. Just wanna erase them all away... A friend said to me.. Looking around makes more sense than looking ahead... Which I sometimes think is true... But looking around... Drives me crazy back here... Craps.
Wanna go shopping today. Wanna scream my lungs out. Wanna watch football in mamaks with the Dota gang and scream for goals. But no cash to Dota anymore. Quitting. Wanna enjoy my holiday to the fullest. Though some things might trigger me being back here. I know it's okay. Sigh! Leave now I shall...
Really, a bunch of crap. *teehee*
Wanna go shopping today. Wanna scream my lungs out. Wanna watch football in mamaks with the Dota gang and scream for goals. But no cash to Dota anymore. Quitting. Wanna enjoy my holiday to the fullest. Though some things might trigger me being back here. I know it's okay. Sigh! Leave now I shall...
Really, a bunch of crap. *teehee*
20 June 2006 @ 11:35 am
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
indescribable